


You Offer Me Our Memories

by arobynsung



Category: Merlin (BBC)
Genre: Angst, Bechdel Test Pass, Community: storycubes, Episode Related, F/F, Female Friendship, Missing Scene, POV Female Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-12
Updated: 2010-10-12
Packaged: 2017-10-12 15:28:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/126377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arobynsung/pseuds/arobynsung
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Morgana leaves Uther and returns to her rooms, cold, frustrated and angry, to find Gwen fluttering nervously about her chambers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Offer Me Our Memories

**Author's Note:**

> Written for storycubes. The magnifying glass on one of my cubes reminded me of Morgana's birthday mirror. Thanks to lookithaslegs (LJ) for the beta.

Morgana leaves Uther and returns to her rooms, cold, frustrated, and angry, to find Gwen fluttering nervously about her chambers. There is dark ash all over the hem of her pink skirts, her hair is unbound and she can't seem to stop moving. Morgana watches her, strangely loathe to startle her, ignoring the ache that always starts low in her chest at the sight of Gwen.

Gwen finally lifts her head long enough to notice she's not alone and she gives a muffled squeal before rushing towards her mistress. Instinct bids Morgana's hands begin to raise, ready to receive Gwen but the ache in her chest tightens when Gwen catches herself, stopping just short of Morgana. Morgana quickly drops her hands but she's sure Gwen doesn't even notice; her maid's head is bowed and her fingers are twisting in front of her.

She's nervous, Morgana thinks with latent shock.

"Gwen, what are you doing here?" Morgana asks in as gentle a voice as she can manage.

Morgana wants to scream when Gwen gives a subtle flinch as if rebuked. "Milady, I-" She raises her head and there's concern there that makes Morgana warm again, "I heard there was a fire, and I was worried. I came to see if you were al- if you needed anything, but you weren't here."

Gwen's fingers disentangle and a hand reaches a small distance as if to grasp at Morgana's but stops short again. "The guards told me you were with the king. I saw the burned curtains and remembered," Gwen hesitates as if loathe to bring it up, "The last time your curtains caught fire."

Morgana frowns, and walks past Gwen to the window, she remembers too. The fear and helplessness she'd felt, knowing she'd caused the fire, knowing it was magic but needing someone, anyone to confirm her fears. Her anger stirred again, this time there had been little fear, only power.

She can hear Gwen turning behind her, rushing to continue, her tone apologetic, "I had the curtains removed from the rooms and then decided to wait for you, just in case."

Gwen is about to say something else in that damn tone and Morgana can't stand it any longer, "You should go home."

There is a small gasp behind her, like a breath cut off, and it bids Morgana turn around and walk to Gwen. She picks up one of her maid's hands and smiles the way she used to, surprised when it comes easy, "I mean, that you're tired Gwen and you should rest."

Gwen frowns, "Milady, if you need me I can s-"

Morgana interrupts, "Gwen, I'm fine." She is very tired of this now. She gently squeezes the hand she's holding, "You on the other hand must be exhausted. I know you sat and cared for me these past days with little break." She raises Gwen's hand to her lips, their eyes locked on each other now.

"You've been wonderful, Gwen. Thank you."

Gwen finally smiles a little, though there's a glimmer of doubt in her eyes that Morgana chooses to ignore.

"I would do the same again, milady."

Morgana smiles, because yes, she knows, "I know."

With that she turns Gwen around by the hand, leading her to the door, ready for the ache in her chest to stop. Gwen hesitates, a hand on the door's handle, and Morgana feels her exasperation rise.

"Morgana,"

Morgana closes her eyes at the sound of her name from Gwen's lips. It had been some time.

"Are you alright?" she asks, and when Morgana opens her eyes to meet Gwen's there is nothing but love and friendship in her old friend's gaze. Morgana suddenly wants so badly to say no, nothing's alright anymore. To let Gwen hold her to her chest like she used to, to lie close and entangled in bed with her best friend and confess her worst fears and nightmares. It is all very tempting, too tempting. She turns her mind to Uther, to Gaius, to Merlin.

It hurts. "I told you, I'm alright."

She places her hand on top of Gwen's on the handle and turns it for her, "I'll have a late start tomorrow morning, I'd like for you to do the same." Morgana doesn't begrudge her a last smile.

"Goodnight, Gwen."

"Goodnight." Gwen whispers, her smile a little sad and Morgana doesn't have time to think on it because Gwen is hugging her. It is brief, and warm, and Morgana knows that the offer to talk still stands, always stands. She lets herself return the hug for a moment.

Gwen finally turns around and her footsteps echo lightly in the hallway as Morgana closes the door after her.

Morgana walks to her vanity, sinking down on the padded stool, suddenly more than exhausted. She idly picks up Morgause's gift to her and refuses to dwell on how, not for the first time, this new future she's doing her best to build can never compare with what she knows is now her past.


End file.
